Self Maintenance
Self Maintenence
Ahhhh!! Here we are…finally! I have been on the fence aboutwriting for a while now and Im so excited that I have finally taken that leap of faith!
Some of you know me already and many of you are just beginning to get acquainted. I am Stephy. I am a full time Employee, Student, Owner of Kings Consulting and Design, a hobby baker, a mother to 4 boys and a newly engaged fiancé. Although I am completely happy and super proud with all I have at this moment, I didn’t get to where I am overnight. If you got a minute or two, Id like to get somewhat personal with you….
When I say it took me a longggg time to get here I really meant it. Not only did I work my butt off to stack and fund all my dreams. I went through a very tough process with learning who I truly was, and understanding and acknowledging my flaws. Sis had to really do some SELF MAINTENANCE!
You ever sometimes feel like you keep getting hit with the same BS but can’t seem to figure out why?
I’ve been there a time or two and couldn’t figure out what the issue was…. I finally have the courage to say a lot of the issue was ME!
I grew up in a single parent home in NW Washington DC, better known as Uptown. For as long as I could remember the women in my family held it down when it came to everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) My dad wasn’t always around but let’s be honest, papa was a rolling stone. ( I love my daddy to death so Ill never bad mouth him). With the strong presence of women in my family I quickly grasped the concept of independence and the idea of not needing a man for anything. This mentality led me to believe that I could conquer the world all on my own… deep down I often questioned myself on this mentality numerous times but often kept the thought in the back of my head where it started. Was I really tough enough to take on the entire world all by myself forever? Of course I could! Did I want to take on the entire world by myself, forever? Absolutely NOT! Growing up I wanted nothing more than to have a husband and a whole lot of kids. We would live in a big house and be one big happy family and live happily ever after. Mind you, I was a kid and really thought that it was just that easy. I didn’t know any better…so y’all don’t come for me and my childish thoughts, lol. The formula for “happily ever after” does exist… it just doesn’t have one specific work up. You could have the best communication, and the biggest heart and still fail at love… We all know that when you experience that first heartbreak you be wanting to cue the curtains on your whole love life lol… been there and done that, too! Now look at me…all engaged and what not! Don’t give up, love…just take time to do some soul searching ( like I did) and make sure you are 100% within before you jump back out there ready to give what you think is your all to someone else.
About 6 years ago I met my fiancé, Bryan and I will be the first to admit I had no clue that he would one day become my fiancé and soon to be husband. He was my oldest biological son’s football coach at the time. He was so fatherly to all the boys on the team, super assertive and attentive to every one of those young men on the team. Of course being a single mother at the time that automatically was something that attracted me -because who just doesn’t love a black man being a role model and male figure to all these young boys, majority whom came from single parent homes also. He genuinely cared about those kids and it showed. He would always go out of his way to speak to me and even looked for me at game time. After a few conversations he finally invited me and my boys out on a pizza date (he knew my kids loved pizza) Of course me being me, I tried to play hard to get at first because In my mind I had already worked up in my head that these coaches try to get at all the single mothers on the team…he’s not about to play with me like he’s probably done a few others (again having that independent mindset bout to block my blessings) Needles to say I took the bait and shortly after we linked up for pizza…and that pizza date turned into a weekly meet up to later on down the line us making it official.
My fiancé was a breath of fresh air for me. He was something I wasn’t used to. He was proof that I was missing out on a LOT when it came to happiness. But I had one little issue…, Mentally, I wasn’t quite ready for a man on this level. So I started to fake it ‘til I made it. Horrible idea – I don’t encourage it, AT ALL. I really had to do some SELF MAINTENANCE. Little did I know, but my new love interest was about to give me a crash course relationship’s like I’d never had before…
Now, don’t get me wrong, I had a lot to bring to the table, great job, education, manners, looks and stability, but my mentality was screwed up! I was scared, damaged and insecure. I almost felt intimidate by him. He was successful, smart, an excellent full time - hands on father and most importantly LEGIT. But there isn’t an ounce of “back down” in my blood so I was gonnado whatever I felt was necessary to play it cool. For once I my life I was in a relationship where I didn’t have to play the dominant role and I didn’t have to figure everything out alone…I finally wasn’t alone. Upon realizing this, it hit me like a ton of bricks…I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN!
I’m sure you can already guess my relationship quickly started to take a drastic turn for the worse when I felt like I was losing control… He wanted to take the lead on everything and I just wasn’t used to that! It was a NO for me… It got so bad that I…
See y’all midweek…Stay Tuned!